Last night, while looking at daycare options (seriously the most stressful part of this journey), I finally just broke down. Charlie was a little lost, but maybe I was too? I could not focus on the joy enough to keep me from feeling like I am somehow completely incompetent -- like there is no way I can manage to not completely lose my mind when I go back to work. Not to mention, the cost of daycare is outrageous! But there is no way cost will get in the way of making sure our boy is where he is loved, nurtured, and safe. But that cost is opening a whooooole new conversation for Charlie and I...maybe we have been a little ignorant. We knew we were ready for a baby, but we didn't look at more than a certain range of "things".
Trying not to cry again.
After this loss of confidence, this feeling of anxiety and frustration....
I closed the computer and made Charlie get off his phone. I rested a hand on the lower right side of my belly and felt the most gloriously encouraging and beautiful little kick. It was the most powerful one I've felt so far, and it took my breath away! I felt it both inside, and out, and that was all I really needed to realize that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY. Husband by my side, baby growing strong...we've got this. Charlie said something along the lines of, "See? Even he knows we can kick this feeling."
And my boys are right.
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